Al 'n' Dave's Speed Reviews A-Z: X

Well this is all very nice in the land of the magenta mountains

XELDA: QUEST FOR THE GOLDEN APPLE

(Andrew Dansby, 2017)

According to the instructions, this game is a tribute to Zelda, you know, like that Tenacious D Song, erm, Wonderboy (itself based on the coin-op). But will this game actually be anything like that song, I mean, game? The instructions seem useful and entertaining, so take note, Dave, as I never read them properly for any game until I get stuck early on. Your quest is to reclaim the eponymous fruitage, as the world’s gone to heck in a handcart since someone went and nicked it.

You play as Bubba, but the author admits he was tempted to call him Dink

Dave: "Ah - good old Zel... err.. Xelda. I see there's a disclaimer in the instructions, confirming there's absolutely no Link (ba-dum tish). This game is nicely presented, with a pleasant plinkety-plonkety tune. I struggled a bit with the sword attack collision detection (Shortsword? More like a potato peeler, it seems to have a range of about 3 cm). Then I realised that you could just run past 90% of the nasties."

"I managed to get through the initial bits, where you're basically a dogsbody, going to fetch things for people repeatedly ("if you'd told me you needed that EARLIER, I could've picked it up when I WAS IN THE FLIPPIN' FOREST"). Fortunately the respawn rate of the wandering creatures isn't too high, so you can backtrack a little bit through screens quickly. Once I'd got into the (first?) dungeon I lost some patience; after aimlessly wandering around for ages with a visibility of about 2 feet, randomly finding a few levers, I gave up. I think it would've perhaps been preferable if the bits of the dungeon you'd explored became permanently lit, but there you go. I didn't find that bit much fun."

The first dungeon is guarded by snakes and a Psycho Pig UXB

Al: "Ah, I knew the Speccy would suit this type of game – I said as much in my Brunilda review, back in part 1 of my li'l site! Pretty obvious, but still true. This game isn’t bad either, if not quite in the same league. There are plenty of quests to embark upon, creatures to battle and people to annoy you. Graphics aren’t bad and you even get a rather quiet tune. This is Part 1 apparently, so let’s hope we see more from Mr. Dansby."

Got to love a Speccy in-joke. I never use them myself

SCORING TIME!

Dave: "It feels as if it might be quite a big game, and I suspect I only discovered about 5% of it. Gameplay is OK, but I didn't find the whole thing particularly inspiring, and I REALLY didn't want to face any more of the dark dungeon-y bits."

6/10

Al: "Come on Dave, there's nothing wrong with a bit of darkness in a game! I reckon this is a good attempt at a JRPG type of game, and is well worth a play."

8/10

"Just one more thing..."

Columbo: "You guys. Yeah, you! Have you ever played any Zelda games apart from this one (which is nothing to do with Zelda of course, my lawyers have asked me to point out)?"

Breath Of The Wild. My daughter's the one to ask about this kind of thing

Al: "Never been into them myself, mainly because they're a Nintendo thing, and I'm totally a PlayStation guy. Played one briefly on the Wii though, but didnt take to it. Final Fantasy is more my heavy, at least up to FF10 anyway. Rally ho! Kupopo! etc. Dave even goes to see people play their choons, doncha pal?"

One of many versions of FF7. "What a game..."

Dave: "Ah, you refer to Distant Worlds, yeah that's always good fun. But as for Zelda games, like you I wasn't really a Nintendo kid, though I did play one on the Gameboy Colour. Can't even remember which one now though. Sorry, that's a bit of a rubbish answer, but at least I didn't answer with a single word! I'm guessing we'll never see Breath of the Wild on the PlayStation, or the Speccy for that matter... OR WILL WE???"

The nearest thing on the Spec - the brilliant Los Amores de Brunilda

Al: "No Dave, we won't. Hmm, that was a bit of a bust on the Zelda front, so I'll waffle on about my fave Final Fantasy games for a bit instead. FF7 is clearly top banana, and I personally really enjoyed the Remake, and am very excited to see what they do in Rebirth. FF8 I've never really enjoyed as much despite a few attempts, but FF9 was a return to form. FF10 & FF10.2 weren't bad, but since those I've not really got into any of them; they've lacked the element of fun and even Fantasy recently in my book. Best to revisit the really ancient ones instead I reckon, as they're all good in their own way."

How's one of my holiday snaps got into this review?

Dave: "..."

Al: "Oh, he's gone! Erm, I'm sure Dave would say that he likes most FF games, even including the quite annoying bro-fest that was FF15. But really he just likes fishing in them, if that's at all possible."