It's a mystery, oh it's a mystery...
THE TRANS-SIBERIAN MYSTERY
(Retrospecced, 2005)
I played this game a few years ago, but little did I realise that there is a kind of mystery surrounding the game itself, as well as the Trans Siberian one in question. You see, it’s been written by a mysterious personage called Luanti P. Shuman, about whom we know nothing else. It was released by an entity called Retrospecced in 2005, who don’t appear elsewhere in the Spectral archives. And very sadly, the game ‘proper’ is actually Missing In Action (one of the better Stallone movies), and all we have is a demo version as such. One introduction screen mentions Cronosoft, but their shop on the web has no mention of this game at all. Intriguing…
I also have in the back of my mind that a couple of years ago, Sir Paul of Jenkinson played this game on one of his The Spectrum Show shows, unless my memory has played tricks on me. So off I went, rootling through the PDFs of the magazines he did as spin-offs of his Youtube shows, hoping to find this game in their contents pages to save going through the whole lot. But damn it, I couldn’t find a sausage, and had to strongly resist the temptation to read through most of them, particularly the reviews he did of all those epic games on Cascade’s Cassette 50! Classic.
So in the absence of any other information at all, I figured I’d have to sift through his old shows on Youtube instead, which seemed quite a daunting prospect, since he’s done so bloomin’ many! He’s up to number 130 something by now I believe. And it couldn’t have been in the last year, so maybe start at number 100 and work back… (time passes)
Okay, I've gone back to show 60 now and still no joy, gonna have to give up on that one. I have however noticed that ZX Shed, which ran for not very long but looked pretty interesting, previewed the game in their issue 2 in 2006, or should I say also played the demo version only, and they were looking forward to Cronosoft releasing the full version some time soon. Well I’m still looking forward to it in the year 2024 as it seems to have well and truly slipped off the radar.
Let’s start up the game and hunt for more clues as we go then. There’s a movie style intro with words fading slowly in, then fading slowly out again, to raise dramatic tension, but done with tongue firmly in cheek. “The Spank Group with Cronosoft presents an off-kilter game by Luanti P. Shuman”. Then the title screen, with quite a cool Eastern European sounding beeper tune briefly serenading us. But what’s this? At the top of the screen it says “28 Costumes” in big writing, as though we should already know what the heck it’s referring to. To the internet, Robin!
Okay, so 28 Costumes are, or probably were by now, a pop group hailing from good old Liverpool, over the water from me. Well I’ve not heard of them, but my finger is hardly on the musical pulse of late. Also known as “The Cossies” (how Scouse is that?) they started up in 2003, signing to Spank Records funnily enough, and have released an album, “The Fake Death Experience”. In 2010 the singer moved to Berlin and that was pretty much that. Their album has the band name in the same logo as that which appears on the game. Hmmmmm.
And lookit, they’ve only gone and done a song called “Trans-Siberian Express” which clocks in at over 10 minutes somehow. It’s on Youchoob if you’re desperate. It’s a third actual song, a third jazz odyssey and a third silence. But no mention of a game on the Spectrum to be found. One band member goes by the name of Nick Hoare, and during the game there is indeed a chap fast asleep by the name of Nick. Coincidence? I think not.
So what’s the point here? Well presumably this game was made by a fan of the group, presumably Luanti P. Shuman (if that’s not an anagram. Apologies to them if it’s not) as a homage or some such. The Stranglers had a game made about them after all many moons ago. And The Thompson Twins, but I’ve been over that already and have no desire to revisit it again thanks. Oh hang on, I’d better talk about the game a bit before I get too distracted by the oddness of the whole thing.
The dramatic writing continues. “Some time in the future. Probably in another dimension. Or something (hoho) Where am I? I feel queasy. My head…” and so it begins. You wake up in a first class carriage of a train in the year 2028 and your mission is… erm, to make sense of stuff generally. So mostly a text adventure then, but with some notable differences that set it apart from most.
Firstly, the screen is laid out real nice like. Location name at the top, succinct description below, then a number of big key words, harking back to many a point and click adventure from the ‘90s. Another box on the bottom right, mysteriously labelled “Badgercom” allows for text replies to taking certain actions. It’s a lovely layout, clear and not over-complicated at all, unlike some adventure games of old where the screen has gotten messed up with too many icons, or a preponderance of text description. And another nice feature is that if you do something, and it’s clearly the wrong move, nothing happens! This sounds stupid, but it saves time no end – only useful actions get a response. And possible compass directions are illuminated, while dead ends are not. It’s genius really.
The other difference is that now and then you will get some graphics thrown in. There’s a comical conversation between two nefarious types, using speech bubbles to good effect. And a quite alarming screen that pops up when you cark. Someone’s pretty good at digitising, it’s clear to see, and these little touches add a lot to the overall experience.
There aren’t many locations as such on the train and no sign of Hercule Poirot, but then that’s probably because we’re only playing a demo version. At times it reminds me of a text adventure version of Stop The Express, particularly when you inevitably find yourself on top of the train, rather than inside it (happens to me every day on the way to work), only it’s a bit more forgiving than that unusual Sinclair title.
A cheeky sense of humour makes itself known quite regularly, for example “Use Toilet” gets the reply “It’s locked. You wet your pants”. And perusing the copy of Razzle that can be found results in a very rude reply indeed. No I’m not repeating it here, it’s too darn saucy. Ooer missus, how’s your father, is your missus a goer etc. Argh, I’ve gone the full Frankie Howerd again, oooooooooooohhhhhhh titter ye not.
Anyway, this mysterious locomotive escapade is short, but oh so sweet. It’s not often you actually enjoy playing an adventure, if I’m not speaking out of term here (“You are” - adventure lovers everywhere). There’s always a heavy dose of masochism and frustration involved in most, but this one is so nicely written and full of quirky humour, the time passes very quickly and enjoyably. Ideally I’d like Mr/Ms. P. Shuman to make a lot more adventures like this, and I could easily become a convert.
So with this in mind, a final appeal on behalf of Crimestoppers. Do you know anything more about this game? Were you in the vicinity when the game was made or released? Are you a member of popular beat combo 28 Costumes? Could you offer any evidence which might assist in the ongoing investigation? If so, please call 0800 53I8008 or simply add your comment in the space below. Many thanks to any who can help and… please… don’t have nightmares.
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