Old vs. New: Panic vs. Page & The Curse Of The Pharaoh

CURRENT SCORE:

OLD GAMES 6

NEW GAMES 9

No load screen, so enjoy this cover art with surely a different hero to the game...

PANIC

(Mikrogen, 1983)

I thought this looked familiar. I knew it as Sheer Panic by Visions, who apparently re-released the Mikrogen version. Maybe Mikrogen wanted to offload it before whoever made the arcade Space Panic took them to court. And why's it called Space Panic anyway? Doesn't seem remotely spacey to me. Except for the aliens I suppose.

"Diggy diggy hole". What? Not into Dwarf Metal?!

Anyhoo these games were clearly inspired by The Smiths' song of the same name. Panic, that is, not Space Panic, that would be odd even for them. Your task is to rid the (space) base of aliens by whopping them with your (space) spade after digging a nice hole for them. Later aliens require two holes to be dug, one above the other. No I didn't get that far.

The age-old tactic pays off. A bit too well

This game looks as good as you could expect a Space Panic clone to look. Nice smooth graphics, decent colour and a great sound effect when you smash the aliens. It is however not the most fascinating of game types, and it's rather tricky to progress. I reached level 4 purely by digging a hole either side of me and waiting, but then got bored. "Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ..."

Wheee! This will never not be fun

This is a Pharaoh attempt at a load screen ("Stop using that joke"-everyone)

PAGE & THE CURSE OF THE PHARAOH

(TDF Micro-visions, 2015)

OK, so it's a Panic clone versus a J.S.W. clone. No-one can say we're not pushing the boundaries of technology here, but that's just the luck of the draw innit? This game is a follow-up to Page's Castle Quest I'm told. But is Page a he or a she? My research suggests he's a he, but archaeologists do tend to have strange names anyway in games and movies.

Oh lordy, this screen's making its own jokes

"Help Page collect the Pharaoh's treasure, hunting through 30 levels, and find a way out". Right, I will. This is a pretty basic platformer, almost like a beginner's introduction to the genre. Not that I could complete it even so.

I like this macabre ode to one of Matthew Smith's hellish rooms

So the usual rules apply. You like to have a butchers at some rooms to begin with, then run short on interest about half an hour later. There's no music unfortunately, just the same annoying jumping sound effect which drives you mad quite quickly. Turn the Page perhaps.

This is French for "Leafy magenta room"

VERDICT

BEST GRAPHICS - PANIC

BEST COLOUR - PAGE & THE CURSE OF THE PHARAOH

BEST SOUND - PANIC

MOST PLAYABLE - PAGE & THE CURSE OF THE PHARAOH

MOST ORIGINAL - PANIC

MOST ADDICTIVE - PANIC

FINAL SCORE

PANIC 4 PAGE & THE CURSE OF THE PHARAOH 2

Panic wins!