Wizard's Warriors vs. The Way Of The Burgle
Current Score: Old Games 10 New Games 12
THE WIZARD'S WARRIORS
(Abersoft, 1983)
Here's an early Spectrum game, going right back to 1983, and I have questions. Concerning an issue of grave importance that is worrying me so much I'm losing sleep. You see, when Abersoft released this game they called it "The Wizard's Warriors" but when Mastertronic re-released it a year later, they dropped the 'S' and re-named it "Wizard's Warrior". You can see now why I'm so disturbed about this issue, so let's look into it further and see if we can get me some sort of answer, or whether the whole investigation raises more concerns about my mental health.
Man of Steel, John Jones-Steele seemed to be the main man at Abersoft in the early days of Spectrumness, as he coded pretty much all of their games - Adventure 1, Mazeman and The Wizard's Warriors. Spectrum Computing also names him as being the author of Melbourne House's Mordon's Quest and later he seems to have had a hand in Rainbird's Knight Orc, so adventuring was clearly his thing. He didn't do Stainless Steel though, which is a shame.
In this game your aim is to defeat an evil wizard by infiltrating his lair and defeating the denizens therein, then finally the git himself. There are different types of minion - blue ones which are always visible, then yellow and white who go immaterial regularly, which could be annoying, but luckily our hero is equipped with a radar, so he can always use that to get a rough idea where the invisible terrors have got to. Once the minions have been dispatched, a magic eagle appears. Which is nice. And sometimes the wizard himself will come down to see what all the noise is about and try to smite you himself. There are a few levels, starting in the Crypts, working your way to the rather open Coliseum and then spending some seasons in the Abyss like the Slayer you are.
So that's the plot and gameplay, but I'm far more interested in other things. The original Abersoft version of the game has the warriors as plural, so since you only play the one heroic personage, presumably it's referring to the evil wizard's minions. I suppose that kind of makes sense, but using the word 'warriors' implies they're the heroic ones, not you. So maybe you're the bad guy after all? But then looking at the Abersoft cover, the wizard extraordinarily seems to have a swastika at the top of his staff, so he does seem pretty darn evil. While his dudes sport very... interesting underpants. And the brief story given in the inlay calls your enemy "The Wicked Wizard Of Cinslair" so he's clearly a wrong 'un. Cinslair… ah, Sinclair, I see. Very clever.
So far, so odd, but the plot thickened unnecessarily when budget kings Mastertronic went and re-released the game in '84. They decided it made more sense as "Wizard's Warrior", singular, and featured a Conan-esque tough guy on the cover, getting bothered by strange green men. Well okay, but then they gave it a shiny new loading screen too, which instead features a spaceman firing a laser gun at a purple alien in a maze, while a laughing red wolf looks on.
The laser gun is amusing in itself, as the game plot is clearly aimed at placing events in the Dungeons & Dragons / Fighting Fantasy kind of world, what with trying to topple wizards in lairs and such, so clearly the generic weapon for a hero to have in these situations should be... a laser gun! What kind of weird clash between Fantasy and Sci-Fi is this? Mastertronic also changed the wizard's name to "The Wizard of Wylye" as well, which isn't even a weak pun or anything vaguely interesting. Furthermore, your honour, they may have thought they were clarifying matters by making the title singular instead of plural, but now it's even more confused. Because the warrior in question, i.e. you, is fighting the wizard, he's not one of the wizard's men, far from it. So just which side are we on now?!
To backtrack a little, The Wizard's Warriors was very much based on a 1981 arcade game titled "Wizard of Wor" (not Woarrr, this isn't Your Sinclair), which featured a similar set-up, only you and a mate could play simultaneously, starting either side of the maze. And your characters in it were called "Worriors", which is quite "Worrying" once more. So the plural nature of the arcade game might have inspired the plural nature of the title of the Abersoft game, even though it was suddenly not appropriate any more since the Spectrum game is strictly a one player affair, and to reiterate a previous point, we're not "The Wizard's Warrior(s)", we're fighting the bloody wizard!
Ah man. I feel I may have overstated that whole situation, but it remains a bit of a muddle to say the least, if not quite sufficient to spark a "Crash Investigates" feature. Best do a little bit about the game itself really, good job nobody pays to read this blog, I'd get complaints (and may even so). I think it's not bad at all given its age. The graphics are big and chunky, they move pretty well and it's fun to blast your way through the first few stages. The radar idea works quite well when you're up against enemies who become invisible otherwise, and colour and sound is used quite nicely to boot. It's good, if a tad repetitive, entertainment, which is more than you could say about a lot of games from the Spectrum's early period.
But obviously the whole thing is completely overshadowed by the unforgivable confusion over singularity and plurality, quite why the hero or heroes seem to "belong" to the evil wizard in question, what the wizard's name actually is and whether he's a secret, or really not at all secret, member of the Nazi party, and whether toting a laser gun is really appropriate when adventuring deep into a wizard's lair at all. Looks like I'm not getting much sleep tonight either...
THE WAY OF THE BURGLE
(Xfaworld Software, 2016)
First there was Way Of The Exploding Fist, which when you think about it is an outrageously exaggerated description of origami, or whichever martial art it was all about. Then came Way Of The Tiger, in which you impersonated an overgrown pussycat and slept all day long. Now are you prepared for The Way Of The Burgle, which surely has some sort of fighting conotations, given its subtle borrowing of those earlier games' titles?
A certain Thomas Small made this game, a chap who has popped up on Facebook recently I've noticed, reviewing some old games. You'll never make a living that way sir, let me tell you! But as well as talking toot about other people's games, he's way ahead of the likes of me as he has programmed quite a few titles of his own. He seems to be a master of the art of BASIC, but he's gone somewhat further than just writing "Thomas is cool" over and over down the screen. Scroll?
T.W.O.T.B. is the fourth in a nefarious series which started with On The Burgle, then Back On The Burgle, later Legend Of The Burgle, and now this. The first in the series won top prize in the Spectrum Games Compo of 2005 in the BASIC category, donchaknow? I see he's also done a series of games called Unresident Evil, which I'm 100% sure he has acquired the licence for.
This highly moral tale sees us follow the exploits of those infamous ragamuffins Dave, Roger and George as they go out "on the rob" one night. "Will they get a good hoard? Let's find out. This is the way of the burgle!" the game proclaims. Our three amigos have to break into houses, through the front door since they're not known for their stealth, then they must push their generic burglar issue swag bag around the house to sweep up all the valuables. You see, they're not bright enough to bring the valuables to the bag, they haven't sussed that much out yet. The bag seems to be on wheels and glides frictionlessly around the screen until it hits something, and burglar pride dictates that you can't leave the house until you've picked up every last Walkman, Atari ST and stacking hi-fi system. Also pot plants, lamps and glasses oddly, these guys don't mess about. "Good luck and happy thieving, you little b*****d!" the game cheerily exhorts, only without the asterisks.
Once you've got past the loading screen which was produced by the Tourist Board of Theale, the game starts. By stopping. Yes, it's one of those cheeky fake-out crash screens, which are always a larf. This time a little blue stick man appears to the right of the Sinclair Research Ltd. message and yells "Oi, none of that boll****! Go on, f*** off, ya mug!" And thus the tone is set.
There are plenty of cut scenes in between screens which are amusingly crude, in every sense, but add greatly to the thuggish experience, following our 'heroes' robbing booze from shops and the like. Complete a house and your burglar shouts "F*** yeah, let's have some of that!" And Thomas seems so polite in those Facebook posts too...
So what we've got is actually a very enjoyable and addictive little puzzle game. There is an increasing number of valuables to collect in each house, and 5 houses to each town, and it usually takes a few goes to figure out the correct route to push your swag bag around so it doesn't get stuck in an annoying corner, or against the outside wall, as then you're stuffed mate, as it's a non-pullable type of bag you bought, you muppet! For a compiled BASIC game it moves fast enough and the graphics are simple but clear. You even get some pretty good beepy music which changes on each level, a nice touch for a game like this. I'm pretty sure at one point I was listening to In The Hall Of The Mountain King in one town, which I think I've heard somewhere before...
There's longevity in the game too as I managed to rob quite a few towns silly and played it for a few hours quite avidly. It starts in Theale, which I'm advised is in West Berkshire. And there's also Hedge End in Hampshire, and Tackley in Oxfordshire. Being a northerner, I can only presume that these towns aren't that far apart, unless the boys are trying not to get too well-known in one particular locale, which is actually pretty smart. You have to admire their attention to detail though, they've done their homework and figured out which houses won't be occupied and all that jazz. If only they'd figured out a more user-friendly swag bag, these dodgy wide boys may even have "Stole A Million". But probably not. More likely just a few tinnies and a Greggs.
LET'S GO TO THE VIDEPRINTER!
BEST GRAPHICS WIZARD'S WARRIORS
BEST COLOUR THE WAY OF THE BURGLE
BEST SOUND THE WAY OF THE BURGLE
MOST ORIGINAL THE WAY OF THE BURGLE
MOST PLAYABLE WIZARD'S WARRIORS
MOST ADDICTIVE THE WAY OF THE BURGLE
FINAL SCORE
WIZARD'S WARRIORS 2 THE WAY OF THE BURGLE 4
The Way Of The Burgle wins!
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