Review Re-Mix: Chaos

Hey, that's my lunchbox, give it back!

CHAOS

(Games Workshop, 1985)

This cropped up as one of my “5 Multiplayer Games” feature back in Part 1 (i.e. the first huge scrolly bit I did all of…maybe 2 years ago) and so great is the general love for Chaos that it seems suitable to re-hash here now. It’s not the most famousest of Spectrum games, but for those in the know it’s right up there with the best there’s ever been. And if you’re lucky/unlucky enough to have 7 mates to play it with you, well….chaos would definitely ensue.

I loved my Chaos lunchbox (see main pic), it was my absolute favouritest! Of course I’m fibbing, but it’s a damn shame such a thing didn’t exist. And yes, I’m far too pleased with the ‘embossing’ effect I found somewhere on tinternet to produce it. If I can only find the site again, I feel a “50 Best Spectrum Lunchboxes” coming up in the near future, as if you’ve got an idea, why not milk it? Anyway, on with the re-mixing (chikka, chikka wah):

Al's list of spells is long yet unimpressive. The Gorillagram might be the best option

Chaos, furthermore known as Battle of the Wizards, is a masterpiece of minimalism. You start with a blank canvas and then commence to smear it with your enemies' blood. All so you can proclaim yourself the most bad-bummed pointy-hatted staff carrier around. Sounds fair.

You simply take it in turns to cast spells, then take it in turns to move your minions and yourself. Up to 8 players can play, though I've never met that many people in my life, and any number of them can be computer-controlled as desired.

Some wizards have fancy mansions, others are homeless. Tory Britain for you

Here are some tips for the game which I picked up from an old crone I happened across while wandering down a country lane the other day:

"Ye should start with Dark Citadel or perhaps Magic Castle.

Watch that guy near you though, he's a vindictive ass'le.

Woods be quite good, whether Magickes or Shadowes.

One attacks folk, the other gives spell-os.

You could start a spooky zoo with all these creatures. I'm not going to name them all

"Magic Fires be deadly, and make things reet screwy,

Don't get engulfed by the Blob that is Gooey.

Mountable creatures be great on the move.

The best thing about them? They die before you.

Undead be useful, causing quite the to-do.

To un-undead enemies they'll stick fast like glue.

Quick, what do you do when a Magic Fire breaks out? Throw a Gooey Blob at it!

"Bats be quite wimpy, the Dire Wolf's dire.

The Hydra be mean and will make you perspire.

A corpse can be handy, just cast Raise Dead.

Your zombie Giant Rat will bite off their 'eads.

Subversion be sneaky - "Your King Cobra's mine!"

Shame he be about as much use as some twine.

Hiding behind a wall and a Gooey Blob is cowardly and an excellent tactic

"A Dragon be strong and can cause much confusion.

But you can bet your sweet ass that it's just an Illusion.

Cast a Law-1, or try Chaos-2.

You've clearly run out of better spells you can do!

When a wizard explodes, each tiny part of him is sent to an alternative dimension. Ouch

"When nothing be for it, no more tricks up your wizard's sleeve,

Disbelieve! Disbelieve! Disbelieve! Disbelieve!

Finally, if you're stuck in a spot and your troops start to toil,

You can always just pray that someone casts Turmoil."

Will this Magic Wood contain the fabled Turmoil spell? No, it won't

To conclude, this is a game that serves fun by the dollop. So join with me now and give praise to THE ALMIGHTY GOLLOP!

...Arghh, what did that old crone do to me?

THE VERDICT

94%