Al 'n' Dave's Speed Reviews A-Z: Z!

Watch yourself! There are killer dice in this game...

Z.X. LARRY

(Rafal Miazga, 2019)

This year... together at last... despite popular demand... we give you... a Rafal Miazga and Bumfun (cringe) production! I'm almost overcome by excitement. What chaos could possibly ensue? This is of course another homage, this time to the dodgy 'barely acceptable in the 90s' Leisure Suit Larry titles. While this sounds dubious, it really does look like the Speccy has an authentic point and clicker on its hands. The ubiquitous king of pointing and clicking, HRH Dave VIII will explain further.

Good job there's a seat at the bar, there's nowhere to sit otherwise

Dave: "Oh 'ello, I do believe it's our friend Lawrence Laffer esquire. I have to say, despite the somewhat dubious content, I've enjoyed playing a few of these games. On the whole they're decent point & clicks with some interesting puzzles. Never finished the first one but it’s nice to see a Speccy version. It's been some time so I can't attest to its authenticity, but it looks nice and colourful, and has a funky tune playing. Not a massive fan of the controls though. Even after getting used to them it felt like I was battling with the cursor all the time (especially when taking taxis). Also it would've been nice to see our Larry on-screen, but perhaps I'm expecting a bit much from our humble Speccy."

This taxi's surely got a bit lost and should be in New York, not... wherever this is

Al: "There’s some great presentation on this unexpected conversion. The input method is pretty slick, moving your arrow around the screen in a quasi point and click stylee. The graphics are neat and colourful, and there’s some nice music to enjoy too. The only downside for me is that the subject matter is probably best left in the past, and there are a few too many rather un-PC moments which make you wince. Maybe it's post-ironic, I dunno... If Rafa used the same interface for a whole different scenario, we’d be laughing. Maybe Monkey Island?"

I often go to a kids' disco holding money, a remote control, a rose and a hammer

SCORING TIME!

Dave: "Nicely presented graphics, and kudos to Rafal for taking this one on. The puzzles are fairly basic but I wouldn't have expected this one to be brought to 8-bits, so I'm not complaining."

7/10

Al: "Shows promise, but do we really want Leisure Suit Larry back in the year 2024?"

7/10

"Just one more thing..."

Columbo: "Well I’ve had some fun grilling youse guys today, but I gotta go walk Dog now and try to avoid Mrs. Columbo. But before I go, have you stiffs ever played any games which are a bit, y'know, dodgy like?"

Maybe it's best that the Speccy can't emulate this kind of thing accurately...

Dave: <tee hee!> <snigger!> <titter!> "Weeelll, I suppose as much as we loved the Speccy I think we'd have to agree it had its limitations with... errr.. the 'graphic quality' of what you might like to see as a young impressionable lad... I suppose you've got the infamous Sam Fox Strip Poker (incidentally I expect to see you post up the final screenshot in the game Al - go on, I dare you. "Er, no"-Al). One thing that astounded me was that there are actually hundreds of 'dodgy' games for the Speccy. I didn't realise the extent of it until you see how many x-rated games there are in the ZXDB archive. I suppose most 'top shelf' stuff back in the day appeared in the game posters & adverts. I'm looking at you, Barbarian (oh, that now reminds me of Maria's Xmas Box). And of course most ads by Dinamic (am I allowed to say 'nipple' on your site? 'Nipple!')."

I'll pass on La Fox thanks Dave. Here's one of many Dinamically-bosomed screens from those guys instead

"After the Speccy's time I encountered the odd 'titillating' game. One was called Biing!: Sex, Intrigue & Scalpels, which is a fairly bizarre yet complicated strategy game in which I made absolutely zero progress. Another was a crappy CGI game called Tender Loving Care, which somehow brought back memories of Red Shoe Diaries on late night Channel 5. Ummm, errr.... "Which I never actually watched". OK that's it, you're not going to get me to admit to playing any more! I know your game, "let's all laugh at pervy Dave"..."

Dave had this and it seemed pretty rad at the time, though mostly for being able to play a text-only game of footy with teams of hundreds. "The ball goes south. What next?"

Al: "Ah, you’ve seen right through me there! Well, for my part, on the Speccy I’ve probably not played anything remotely risque, although I have witnessed some dubious (albeit strictly textual) goings on in a chat room in Shades, the modemy online adventure thing. Possibly the most embarrassing moment in a game for me has to be in Fahrenheit on PS1, where at one point you have to press keys to the right rhythm in order to, erm, 'do it' properly. With a laaaaady! Oh god, there are sex minigames in some God Of War titles too, aren't there? Total cringe."

I suppose even Kratos has to stop being a fighter, and temporarily become a lover some time

THAT'S IT, THE END!

It may have taken around two years from start to finish, but at length the entire alphabet of modern era Spectrum games has now been, erm, 'speed' reviewed. It was an audacious enterprise, but we eventually saw it through to its bitter end, and hopefully it has proved entertaining to three, maybe four, people!

Huge thanks to Dave as ever - you can now move on with your life and your cheque is in the post, sir!

And thanks also to Lieutenant Columbo for being our 'crumpled, down-at-heels detective' guide through the whole process. Couldn't have done it without ya, lieutenant!

- FIN -