GHOULS 'N' GHOSTS
(U.S. Gold, 1989)
In 1986 Elite did a conversion of Capcom coin-op Ghosts ‘N’ Goblins which proved to be a ‘graveyard smash’, but by ’89 they had given up the Spectrum game, so it was up to those coin-op connivers U.S. Gold to produce its sequel. The goblins had been given the elbow due to creating an unpleasant working environment, but the ghosts had nowhere to go so they stayed on, to be accompanied by their barely improved new work colleagues, the Ghouls. H.R. had a terrible time trying to keep the peace throughout this turbulent period. This was one of the last Speccy games I bought, and I remember it came in quite a nice cardboard box, which was a bit different from the usual plastic cases. The things you remember eh?
So Good Sir Knight Arthur has had 3 years’ peace since he defeated the charming demon who kidnapped his girl, Princess Hus (a perfectly normal princess name). But the bad guys have come back and have managed to repeat the trick, so he’s got to perform heroics once again. Dude…talk about high maintenance. He has to battle through various environments, again beautifully displayed on the intro screens during the game, and take on the army of the dead with only a rusty tin can costume to protect him. As in the original, it can take a hit, but no more than that. He has a good supply of weapons at least, with more to be found in chests. Although whenever I opened one, a magician appeared and turned me into a duck. Which I don’t find funny, even if you might.
Ghosts ‘N’ Goblins was a game which was enjoyable for a quick blast, but generally rather too difficult to get far in. I think I saw the ‘Ice Palace’ level (of which more later) once or twice in my lifetime. So maybe they made Ghouls ‘N’ Ghosts a bit easier, so all the family could play along happily? Of course not! It still retains that nasty habit the enemies have of popping up in the most inconvenient places possible – it’s almost predictable in its unpredictability, so you have to be on guard at all times, preferably jumping and shooting most of the time. In the olden days I never got anywhere in it, but with the help of my good friend, Sir Save of Scum, I was able after a while to do the first few levels until meeting a big Chinese Dog boss who I couldn’t befriend with biscuits.
Despite its habitual wanton user-unfriendliness, Ghosts’ Ghoulies is a pretty good game. The graphics nicely improve upon the original, the backgrounds offer colourful variety and some good AY tunes and effects add to the fun. I think you’d have to be a pretty darn amazing gamer to be able to play it without getting killed every ten seconds or so, and certainly a lot better than me, but there is at least the saving grace of a ‘Continue’ option, so the programmers must have felt a pang of guilt over the difficulty level there. But let’s face it, practically every Spectrum programmer was evil and didn’t want ANYONE to complete their games! The sad thing is I still refuse to watch them get played through on Youtube… just in case one day I manage to do it properly myself, which we all know will never happen. Plus my reactions will only get worse with age, although it could be argued that my ‘elder’s wisdom’ might compensate for it. Maybe adventures will suddenly be a cinch. I can dream at least...
BEYOND THE ICE PALACE
(Elite, 1988)
So a year earlier, Elite must have been a bit strapped for cash after bidding on so many arcade licences, and decided to create a bit of an unofficial sequel for their hit Ghosts ‘N’ Goblins. Cheeky that, but quite clever. Its title is derived from the second level of the challenging original. They changed the look of the knight from short, stocky and beardy to tall, slim and helmety just to ensure they didn’t get too badly sued. And they made sure there were no ‘N’s in the title - calling it 'Knights ‘N’ Palaces’ would really have blown them out of the water. In all fairness, there were any number of games around similar to this one, so I reckon they played it just right on that score.
“Beyond the Ice Palace, to the north, left a bit, then third on your right, lies a mystical land of fantasy and magic, of goblins and ghosts (yes it actually says that bit), of good and evil”. But as usual the place is in uproar as evil spirits have taken over, harassing the area's lumberjacks and forcing them to hang around in bars. The locals are clueless, so decide to shoot an arrow into the air with a begging note asking for some poor sap to go and help them out, ‘cos they can’t be ar$ed doing it themselves. Cut to our oblivious hero, taking a nice peaceful walk in the woods one day. Oh look, there’s an arrow in the ground, let’s pick it up. Heyyyy, wait a minute! What the goblins is going on here? Why should I have to go and save those suckers? It’s not fair, waaaah! Oh sorry, I was thinking how I’d act if I was in that position.
Okay then, so you stick a pan on your head and grudgingly sally forth. Choose your initial weapon from small dagger, big dagger or spiked ball type thingy. Now this bit is important. I couldn’t get off the first section using daggers like… ever…, but once I tried out the spiky ball, it seemed way more effective. Guess this was Elite’s way of sorting out the dumb from the dumber, and I came out of it badly. Go down into some caverns, fight green flying creatures, destroy a stubborn pink rock thing, pick up a crystal ball, okay all good. Ah, there’s a pretty blue butterfly, how nice! Wait, it’s trying to kill me, pursuing me all over the shop. “And lo, many lives were lost that day.” And if you run away, more chase you and flitter you to death. I ran headlong to a vertical platformy bit but couldn’t shoo away the flying monstrosities. Then a change of tack came to me – stand and fight them like a worthy human instead of running away. True, they take 5 bloomin’ hits to kill, but it’s really the only way to do it. As such, progress becomes a tad painful, but you do get places in the end. Such is the Ice Palace way. So say we all.
After many a save-scum I managed to get through a few levels, but it’s far from easy in true G‘N’G fashion. Creatures don’t quite appear from under your feet as in those games, but there are many and some can be real pains. An end of level caterpillar didn’t prove too hard though for a refreshing change – best to get to ‘em before they turn into those hateful flutterbys. Once you get into it, this is a pretty darn good game – I bought this as well at the time but wasn’t nearly patient enough to get far as a petulant teenager (I’m now a petulant 50 year old). The graphics are wicked, colour and sound both sick and generally it’s a very polished product by the Elitenati. It’s so good the legendary Tina Turner wrote a song about it while wearing post-apocalyptic clobber. All together now, “We don’t need another heeeeeeero…"
GHOULISH GRADINGS
GHOULS 'N' GHOSTS 86%
BEYOND THE ICE PALACE 87%
I think I had Ghouls 'n Ghosts, I wasn't good at it; I've never been good at games that mostly involved shooting or fighting.. Mine wasn't in a fancy cardboard box, just the standard, plain, plastic case. I was unaware of it being a sequel, in fact someone at school had laughed at it and said it looked like a rubbish knock-off of Ghosts 'n Goblins.