Blade Runner & War Of The Worlds

Quite a moody pic, plus green fireworks. So far, not bad

BLADE RUNNER

(C.R.L., 1985)

Looking at two of science fiction's most outstanding moments now, and how C.R.L. made a mockery of them. Well that's the popular opinion at least. Or is it? Some liked them, more on that story later. And I'll try my best not to pre-judge, honest I will.

Don't get your replidroids mixed up with your cyberneers, or who knows what will happen

Blade Runner is one of the best movies ever. Fact. Despite being somewhat overlooked at the time of its release, it was later rightly revered and was solely responsible for cyberpunkery as we know it. C.R.L. bravely acquired the game rights... but wait, as the cover hilariously admits, they swung yet missed. This is the game of the Vangelis soundtrack, not the film itself! So how does a Speccy version of a sultry saxophone soundtrack play out?

The skimmer desconds agonisingly. Incidentally, Space Doubt never came 'oubt'

Well it starts out not unreasonably. A colourful load screen and a semi-bearable Wham! The Music Box tune, which ain't Vangelissy even slightly. Then you press a key and define your... keys. Even that process is slow, this doesn't bode well. Oh wait, the plot. It's da future and androids are killing humans in revenge for us being a-holes to them generally. You're a cop who has to 'retire' them asap. And if it's like the flick, the future should be neony, Geisha-y and wet as heck. I'm sure C.R.L. bore all this in mind...

Our alopecian hero takes to the road to avoid those pesky peds. Watch out though!

First you have an overhead map of the various sectors of the city and the replicants... ah no, wait, I mean the tunes whistled by replicants, which need to be silenced. So far, so swish. Cut to street cam and we see a 'skimmer' (or the noise made by one anyway) slowly descending to the ground. So slowly. So. Slowly. It's tedious yet unimpressive. And get used to it, 'cos it happens A LOT!

Quick, the 'replidroid' is nearly shootable from here. "Get to the diner" (Commando)

Once you wake up it becomes apparent that you're meant to guide your oddly bald blade running man through the foot traffic, close enough to put some lead into the 'replidroid'. But most of the time you just run into pedestrians and fall on your futuristic behind. Then eventually come round and try again. At first this seems a bit hard, but once you realise you can mostly run down the road unhindered instead, it's actually quite easy. I did it six times but for no apparent reward. Wait, this can't be the whole game. Can it? Surely not, let me check some of the reviews to see where I'm going wrong.

And this is how things end up, more often than not

Crash concluded 58%, saying C.R.L. had made a hash of it, though one of the three reviewers reckoned it was "nearly excellent", presumably after a heavy lunch at the pub. YS thought 7/10 was about right and SU gave it 3 stars. I can't explain either of those. And none of the reviews revealed any further facets to the game. As such surely this is one of the most limited games of all time? I don't see how anyone could excuse it personally.

OK this is really good, think loading screens are Nigel's thing

WAR OF THE WORLDS

(C.R.L., 1984)

"No-one would have believed in the last years of the 20th century that C.R.L. would obtain two precious licences and squander them so utterly." Surely they could do some justice to H.G. Wells' sci-fi classic? There's certainly enough to work with, though I notice again that their rights are only to Jeff Wayne's musical version of same, which nevertheless also had its moments.

"Ulla" is meant to be the "Oooohhh laaaa" noise the martians make in the musical

You must make your way through Woking and its suburbs to find your gal Carrie and escape the Martian heat rays. Interesting fact: I've been to Woking and they've got a huge statue of an alien tripod in the town centre, and it's ace. Didn't see any Mercury Wells around though. I can't believe I'm leaving that in...

A very similar Isleworth. Look, wine in the road! I'd go out more if it was like this

There's a painfully slow intro, though you can't deny its literary chops as it's the first page or so of the novel. Then the aliens attack in a textualised (not sexualised) way. You can choose to flee or get zapped, not a difficult choice. Then begins the graphical majesty of this game. You're a stick man (for chrissakes) and you walk jerkily across the screen. For screen after screen.

Ah here's the good bit. All it does is zap a bit near you though

You occasionally stop to pick up bread. Urgh, road bread. Or wine. Now that's a different matter. You can consume these to build your strength, and get wasted so you don't care any more about the aliens. If it's evening you can go and sleep in any open-doored houses. That's all you can do apart from go up or down a road every now and then.

What's your hurry? Stay in the house and avoid the aliens for a bit at least

Easily the best part of the game is when an alien machine finds you. The graphic for it is quite good, but it just spits out lasers near you, which are easily avoided. So you escape and the tedium continues.

Woah, which stick man am I now, stuck in this L.S. Lowry painting?

Like Blade Runner there's not nearly enough going on here. If there were more elements to the game and much better execution, that would help. But as it is, it's a real, presumably rushed, wasted opportunity. C.R.L. did do better stuff certainly, but with these two they let themselves down, they let us down and they let the whole school down. For shame.

SCI-FI DOOMSDAY RECKONING

BLADE RUNNER 38%

WAR OF THE WORLDS 36%