5 TEAM CHALLENGE - PART 3: Sgt. Helmet Zero & Sgt. Helmet: Training Day

SGT. HELMET ZERO

(Ubhres, 2009)

Yeah, it's not the best load screen in the world

"War, hurh, good god, what is it good for?" as the immortal James Brown once queried. Sergeant Helmet, born to soldiering, has to go on a manly mission to free 40 refugees from the evil Grunge Wizards and their shambly plaid army. Well, he's the one who likes to shoot his guns, but he knows not what it means.

Sarge must be on steds to jump five times his height. Hut hut!

And I say yeah. What? Focus? Right you are. Those crazy Mojo dudes are behind this, so it's a surprise there are no naked women anywhere. Oh, except for the refugees who are quite glamorous in their swimsuits. All totally normal.

Things get chilly and blocky for sarge on level 2

This game really begs to be played. Your fella bombs along merrily, shooting his infinite bullets at little mine things, doing pretty impressive jumps and rescuing those swimsuit models. It's easy to pick up and to do alright in, graphics are good and colourful with a nice beepy tune ringing in sarge's ears all the while (he got too close to a grenade blast once). Worth a lot more than zero in my eyes.

Sarge is knocked out by this refugee's good looks

SGT. HELMET: TRAINING DAY

(Mojon Twins, 2013)

Join the army and hang with ugly dudes

OK, this extraordinary text comes straight from the Mojons' own website: "Before his adventuring in Khartadmocia, Sgt. Helmet was feeling bored, rolling snots with his pinky...He was a proud member of the top 3 thoughtest (sic.) people on earth alongside Chuck Norris and Kathleen Turner...and in his opinion jumping trampolines using jumping flip flops was depressing..."

Helmet must roll that boulder onto the enemy soldier. Bundle!

"...The very day his pet Jimmy the lemur came of age, the fellow warriors had something for Helmet. He got blindfolded, his lips rouged and dressed with a cute blue taffeta blouse with matching skirt...He was told "You must set 5 bombs in the computer, then come back to the base. Like?"...Helmet answered "Like"."

That motorbike looks intact to me. Unless it's split straight down the middle

The game can't possibly live up to that insane introduction, but it's not bad. More standard Churros fare than the first game, but it's fun enough for a while in a fairly generic way. Sounds like we need a third game where he goes fully transvestite, like Klinger in M*A*S*H* and tries to seduce his military comrades. With hilarious consequences.

Helmet is suffering from PTSD and shoots all his own men in his disorientated state

SCORES ON THE DOORS

SGT. HELMET ZERO 8/10

SGT. HELMET: TRAINING DAY 6/10

TEAM HELMET SCORE 14/20

POSITION 3rd out of 5

REWARD F.A. Cup!